After your birthday, and before

So as usual, I found the day of your birthday to be entirely consuming. By work, by school, by life. Which is good. It prevented me from moping all day. But the day that was really hard for me was the day that I went to Chloe's birthday party, the Saturday before your birthday. I wondered if you were having your birthday party that day. If you had one at all this year. I understand there is a new baby soon, or already. Idk. I haven't heard from your parents. I hear they are expecting a boy. I sent my birthday wishes your way. I still haven't heard anything back. I look forward to pictures. I always look forward to pictures. I just wish I could be there. The only thing that I would change about your life is the openness of the adoption. I want to see you grow first hand. Even if it is only an occasional visit, it would be better than nothing. I want you to know first hand why I made the decisions I did for you, and not from the grapevine or from your parents. I wish for our line of communication to always be open. I wish for you to always be able to talk to me. I will always be searchable to you. Always. I always want you to be able to find me. And I want you to know that I always have loved you with all of my heart.