"Stop your Whining. Get Over it"

Yup. That's what I was told today. By another natural mom at that.You would think after five years, comments like this would just roll off my back. And sometimes they do. But not this time.some moms have a great adoption experience, and I'm happy for them. But it seems all to often I'm told I should just stuff my pain down and pretend like adoption hasn't separated me from my child. Well, guess what? It did. And I'm not going to get over it, now, or anytime soon. I lost my child. You don't "get over" that.

Oh, and I'm not going to stop telling pregnant women my story. It's really none of my business if another woman places, but if she comes to me (or to a support group that I am in) looking for advice, I will be sure that she hears from at least one person "You can do this. You will make a great mom. You are what's best for your baby. There is no shame in taking food stamps or aid, so long as you don't abuse the system." I will make sure before you she enters into this lifetime hell we call adoption, that she sees the painful road that lies ahead, for her, and perhaps for her child ahead. I will tell her what adoption professionals often don't: that open adoption agreement doesn't mean shit once the placement is final. Then, if she still chooses to place, at least she will know that she had a full picture, and not just the rosy painting that the adoption agency painted for her. I see nothing wrong with that, and I will not shut up and get over it because speaking my truth makes you uncomfortable.

I can't change the past. I can't "un-place" my daughter. But I can sure as hell tell my story to those who it may help in the future.

Single Young Idiot looking to Adopt

What is up with all of these whack jobs all of a sudden making profiles on Facebook trying to skirt the adoption industry and get their hands on somebody's child for as cheap as possible? Do people that do this ever actually adopt? They make Facebook pages with names like "Young Couple hoping to adopt" "Single Woman looking to Adopt" "Jack and Jill's Adoption Dream". The pages are filled with poor grammar and lack of knowledge of the adoption world. They post ignorant comments about "rescuing" a baby and talk all about how they want nothing more than the baby they can't have. Then, they spam these pages all over groups where birth mothers gather, sometimes sneaking into closed groups to spam their page. They post on abortion groups, assuming that everyone who talks about abortion would give a baby up for adoption (which is a totally separate issue from abortion, but that's another topic). They message women who have placed and ask them for the next babies, or to hook them up with our pregnant friends

My point? I don't really have one. Maybe don't make a shitty, offensive Facebook page in hopes of adopting. Adoption is expensive. So is parenthood. If you are too cheap to go to an adoption agency or contact a professional, perhaps you aren't ready for adoption. If you want to do things less-than-legal, don't think about taking another woman's child. There is a right way to adopt, but it requires education, time, and money. Kinda like parenting. I'm not a fan of adoption in general, and when I see pages like I have been, well, it makes me wanna puke in my mouth.