The more I think of it, the more I've come to realize that, at least in your "normal" agency adoption, coercion is a necessary element of adoption. In order to get a women to surrender her child, you first have to convince her that she would make such a terrible mother, that her child would have such a miserable life with her, that she can best serve her child by rolling the dice and sending her home with total strangers. You have to convince her that she is such a threat to her child, that she will be making the best parenting decision by giving up her right to protect her child from harm, to make sure her child is always happy and safe.
Does this seem like the conclusion that any woman can come to with an ounce of self esteem? Does it sound like a decision that can be arrived at on one's own accord? No. This requires brainwashing. It requires demolishing any self esteem. It requires preying upon weaknesses.
And then, we wonder why it is so impossible for mothers to carry on with their lives, missing their flesh and blood child, and convinced that they are worthless.
Once coercion comes into play, all choice exits the building. Unfortunately a lot of girls have no clue they're even BEING brainwashed, and some stay clueless for life.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard for me to understand how adoption agencies are able to get expectant mothers to overlook the fact that a) it is dangerous to give one's child to complete strangers. I realize that with open adoption the e-mother and PAPs may meet, but they still hardly know one another, and we all know that people can put on a facade when they are trying to get what they want, and b) the agencies always seem to be able to steer the mother away from thinking about how the child might feel about being given up, that the child may feel rejected and/or abandoned. I don't understand how the platitude that "the child will be grateful" is so effective. E-mothers don't seem to ask how the agencies know this.
ReplyDeleteI can't speak for all mothers, but I personally was convinced that I was so unsuitable to mother my child that sending my daughter home with strangers was the better option. I was worthless. I couldn't even prevent this pregnancy. What really makes me think that I can care for a child?
DeleteRobin, A LOT of mothers are convinced that strangers are the better option for their child. Have you ever seen a "Dear Birthmom" letter? It's designed to make the mother feel all warm and fuzzy about these people, and make them feel more real and personal to them. They go on and on about how much they will love and care for the child, all the places they will go, how great their marriage is, etc. Add in agency coercion, the fact that agencies do NOT tell you any negative effects of adoption, as well as a lot of mothers being alienated from their families for being pregnant, on top of hormones, and yes....it is very easy to be broken down and led to believe your child is better off with strangers, or that it is your only option.
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