In the past, I have also been coincidentally (or maybe not so coincidentally) so overly busy on this day, that I didn't have a minute to look at the calendar until the day was over. Not that I didn't notice your birthday. I've always noticed the dates approaching, and then the days after. But I've usually managed to keep myself so busy I don't have time to feel anything on this day. Until today. On your sixth birthday.
Six years old. You've probably been losing teeth, one that I know of. You should be starting school. But, as your mom has told me, you're being home-schooled. How do you like that? Did you go to the beach today? I am always told of your desire to go to the beach for your birthday. (You totally get that from me by the way, you're calling towards the ocean. It's in your blood.) Can you swim yet? Are you able to stand up to the waves without being knocked over?
Today, I think back to your birth day. The one we actually spent together. Well, sort of. You spent the day busting out of my prison of a womb. You did, at exactly 9:22 pm. I wonder if your mom remembers that time, all of those specifics? I remember the events of that day. Very well. I remember your mom watching you come out. I remember making what I later came to realize was the biggest mistake of my life, letting you go home as her daughter.
On this day though, I don't wish to bring you down with thoughts of my misery from your adoption. On this day, I simply wish you a happy birthday, and hope that you have many more happy birthdays, and that every other day in your life is as wonderful as it can be. I apologize for any pain that decision made six years ago may have caused you, but I hope that that pain has been minimal. I want you to know that I love and miss you dearly. And I hope that you are having a wonderful day today.
With love,
Your Mother
Six years old. You've probably been losing teeth, one that I know of. You should be starting school. But, as your mom has told me, you're being home-schooled. How do you like that? Did you go to the beach today? I am always told of your desire to go to the beach for your birthday. (You totally get that from me by the way, you're calling towards the ocean. It's in your blood.) Can you swim yet? Are you able to stand up to the waves without being knocked over?
Today, I think back to your birth day. The one we actually spent together. Well, sort of. You spent the day busting out of my prison of a womb. You did, at exactly 9:22 pm. I wonder if your mom remembers that time, all of those specifics? I remember the events of that day. Very well. I remember your mom watching you come out. I remember making what I later came to realize was the biggest mistake of my life, letting you go home as her daughter.
On this day though, I don't wish to bring you down with thoughts of my misery from your adoption. On this day, I simply wish you a happy birthday, and hope that you have many more happy birthdays, and that every other day in your life is as wonderful as it can be. I apologize for any pain that decision made six years ago may have caused you, but I hope that that pain has been minimal. I want you to know that I love and miss you dearly. And I hope that you are having a wonderful day today.
With love,
Your Mother
Beautiful letter. I am so sorry for your loss and pain and I too hope she has many happy birthdays!!
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