My Adoption Story

So I'm just going to blog here when I need to. Here is the official "My Story" to all interested:


I know it took a while, but here's my story

I am going to start my story months before conception, on a very specific date: December 9, 2006. I remember this day because I remember telling him that I'd be 16 in twelve days. This is the day I met Robert (or Daniel as I may sometimes call him, Robert was his first name, but he want by Daniel, his middle). I don't know why, but for some reason, after not talking to her in forever, I decided to call my friend Sarah, and Daniel, her brother's (at the time) best friend, answered the phone, we hit it off and I went to her house, stayed the night (in Sarah's room) and by the time I went home we were "together". We hung out, went to the mall, and then my dad picked me up from Sarah's the next afternoon. A couple of days passed. That Tuesday I went with him to his brothers house, came home late, and told him he would have to meet my dad if we were to continue dating. Well, my dad, imo, was the one that started what almost turned into a fight. But my dad saw it the other way and I was consequently prohibited from seeing him. As far as my dad knew, that was the last time we contacted each other.

Well, fast forward about 8 months to the Monday after 4th of July (not sure of the date). I had gone down to the County Health Office to get on birth control for free and without my dad knowing. Well, I didn't get on birth control that day, but that is when I got the life changing news.

I left the building that day trying to hold my tears. I made it down the stairs and I think out the door before I cracked and let them flow on my out to the bus. And there was so much to cry for. So much worry. How would I take care of this child. How would I finish school? How would I work? What would my family think? What would my dad think? And one thing I knew deep down, is that what I had called a relationship with Robert was as good as over.

Well, I went home that day, cried, worried, thought, slept. I tried several times to tell my dad that I was pregnant, but to no avail. I kept chickening out. I finally got him to take me to the store without my sister. I didn't even have to say anything. He looked at me and said "Jessi, are you pregnant?" I couldn't quite get out a yes, but a maybe did make it out. He sent me down to Kaiser the next day to get a test, and when they called me the day after to affirm what I already knew, I called my dad and told him like I was just finding out.

Well, the obvious next question was who. I didn't want to tell him who. I tried to play it off at first like it was just a one night stand and I didn't know him. Hah. That worked well. My dad knows me to well to believe that and he can tell when I am lieing. Well, it eventually came out that it was Robert, and then all hell broke loose for a while.

The first suggestion was that I terminate this pregnancy. From my dad. From Robert. From my so-called best friend. Not an option. But I did meet with a representative from Bethany Christian Services early in my pregnancy and left with some literature and some more information on adoption.

Meanwhile, something was happening. I was growing more and more attached to my little monster. I looked forward to meeting my little one. to being a happy mommy. Well, we moved out of Fresno, to a whole in the wall called oroville. It wasn't long until reality started to set in, and bring up many questions of before. Just how do I plan to finish high school. And how do I plan to feed this kid. And where am I going to find a father? And where will we leave?

With all of these questions circling, I called Lifetime Adoptions. A representative came to my house, got me started on some paperwork, and within a few days I had 50 profiles in the mail. none really jumped out. I called a few, but nothing. No chemistry. So I asked for some more profiles, and got another 50.

This time one really spoke to me. The couple was Brian and Jessica. Jessica was not infertile but was advised not to get pregnant because of a heart murmur. They lived in some Midwestern state, I don't remember which one. They lived on a farm, with a couple acres. I can't remember who, but one of their moms was living in a trailer on the property. They were already checking out the private schools in there area. They were everything I wanted. They were scheduled to come out to California in December, but Jessica became pregnant, and they decided that one was enough.

Well, Lifetime sent me some more profiles. One of them was just a single sheet of paper with a sticky note on it. This couple had just signed with Lifetime and had not yet completed a profile. Seth and Zoe. Something about them clicked, and I called them. We had several conversations before they flew out in March.

My due date was March 18, 2008. Well that day came and went. I began labor on Easter Evening, March 23. I went to the hospital and they sent me home. Seth and Zoe drove me back at 10am the next morning and admitted. I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Jerusha Welcome Howard, on March 24, 2008 at 9:22 pm. She weighed 8lbs, 3 ounces, and measured 20 and 1/2 inches long. I got to spend the night with her, and left the hospital, without my precious baby girl. Seth and Zoe really were very sweet. I have a stuffed bunny from build a bear that they gave me when I left the hospital, and Jerusha has the exact same one.

Before they left town, Zoe was kind enough to get the pictures from the hospital developed for me. They then spent some time in Washington before going back to Japan. They are now living in South Carolina. I get pictures and letters frequently, and some email correspondence. They have decided that it would be best to wait until Jerusha is older to have any visits. So for now, I'm just waiting. And while I don't agree with that decision, I thank them for doing what they think is best. Jerusha, I love you forever. Until the day we meet again.